the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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