Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Panties = found
Randomize
