eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
