Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
