why didn't you poke me back
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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