So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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