peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
