i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
