As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
