I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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