He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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