I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
