Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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