what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
