DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
