i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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