I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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