So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
