Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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