Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
