honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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