i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
