I think I died a long time ago.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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