I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
