If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
