It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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