Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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