Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
