even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
