I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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