oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
