I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
