Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
