No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need a beard to bite.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
