this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
