I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
