guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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