I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
