i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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