a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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