I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
