Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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