You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
