my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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