I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
