Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
bring money and cleavage
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
