I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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