We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
