even my farts smell like vagina
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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