ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
