someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
