I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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