Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
